July 4th...Fireworks and Tears

Our 4th of July holiday started out perfect. Headed to the lake as a family on Thursday, spent the day just the 4 of us playing battleship, sitting on the front deck, and drinking some wine while the girls played at the water!

And then, on Friday, the 4th, while waiting for my sister and her family and my brother to get there, to continue celebrating our holiday like normal, our life changed in an instant. Literally, 45 seconds. The girls walked onto the dock and my sweet Lexi, who always lays out with me on the dock, jumped off the chair to greet the girls. She apparently slipped off the side of the dock, the girls started screaming Lexi fell in (which she has been swimming before) so we just called her to one side of the dock b/c we could hear her paddling under the dock, Brian leaned over to get her expecting she'd be right there. She wasn't. So I leaned over the other side (we're talking a 4ft wide dock-no big, wide dock), and didn't hear her paddling. I jumped in the water it was just about 2 ft deep, and yelled her name. Her sweet little body came out from behind the steps. Sideways, tongue out of her mouth, not moving. I grabbed her and layed her on the dock and Brian immediately began CPR. The girls and I were hysterical, and I kept asking Brian, through tears and shakes, to take her next door to our neighbor who was a doctor. He ran her across the yard and then knelt down with her lifeless body in his arms and looked back at me...my heart dropped and I knew. He felt no heartbeat anymore. But despite that, he got up and kept going, ran down on the dock, and our amazing neighbor acted just like doctors do, and immediately began CPR, chest compression's, holding her upside down to allow water to come out of her nose and mouth. Ten minutes later...the doctor, his wife (a nurse), and Brian, slowly stopped their rhythms. Dr. Poole looked at me and said, "Im so sorry," his wife just hugged me, and I sobbed. For those of you who are not dog lovers, it wont make sense. But for those of you who understand when a tiny puppy of 12 oz becomes your first baby, 11 years ago, then you know the pain that hit me deeper than anything I had yet experienced. And I have felt loss this year; in many forms, and many ways, and I was once again crushed to the depths of my soul. That sweet girl has been by my side, in my lap, snuggled around my stomach or back every night, for 11 solid years. I was her person, and she was my favorite, she was my littles who never let me cry alone. And once again, just a month later, I had lost someone so close to me while being up at the lake. 

Even though she was only 3.2 pounds, she was the queen of our house, and my biggest protector. But as quickly as she passed, we knew we too had to quickly do something with her sweet body as we were waiting on a house full of family. So I had my time with her one last time in my arms up on the deck, where she loved to sit in the sun with me, while Brian prepared a grave for her. We chose a sweet sunny spot by the lake where she would forever be warm and in the sun. 

I felt lost. I was in shock. But I put on a game face and tried to not make everyone else's holiday a downer. We proceeded with the day like everything was normal, but it was the worst 4th of July. But the kids had a good day with their cousins with few bouts of tears here and there. And we went to see the fireworks like normal over the water. They were beautiful, and are some of the best, but all I could think was every year the fireworks went off, little Lex barked back at them and yet shook in fear at the same time. Our little firecracker, that was exactly who she was. So go and rest in peace littles; the lake, or our lives, will never be the same without you!! ♥

What a day...smiles, tears, laughter, fireworks, and heartache. Happy 4th Yall...